Turmoil of the Mind
by bttf4444
Summary: After returning from the wedding reception of Doc and Susan, Marty copes with conflicting emotions over his strained relationship with his former best friend. Supplementary vignette to EmmettMcFly55's fic, Heaven or Hell.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Back to the Future. I also don't own the Heaven or Hell Universe, which belongs to EmmettMcFly55. Susan Clayton belongs to him, as well.  
**

_September 4, 1987  
10:28 PM PDT_

Marty McFly sighed, as he stepped out of the taxi. He felt rather relieved to finally be at home. He simply couldn't figure why he even bothered to come to the wedding and reception of Dr. Emmett Brown and Susan Clayton. In fact, he really was more than a little surprised to even receive an invitation. Oh, why didn't he opt to stay at home?

Granted, at one time, Marty was rather close to Dr. Brown - who he called "Doc". He was only seven years old, in fact, when he first met the eccentric scientist - and, for a little over ten years, Doc was the one person that Marty could trust completely.

Tears filled Marty's eyes, as he started to feel a real pang of regret. He realized how, if not for Doc, Marty's family life would be quite different. His father would be a wimp, his mother would be an alcoholic, and his brother and sister would have no ambitions.

_That still doesn't excuse what Doc did_, Marty insisted, with sudden anger - as he stepped into the house. _Damn it, Doc! You had a time machine! You knew just what my future would be like. You could've had the decency to warn me, Doc - like the way I warned you about being shot by terrorists! Why couldn't you return the favour?_

Marty blinked back tears, as he remembered watching Doc get shot. During the week that he was stuck in 1955, he was simply intent on saving his friend's life. He thought of how distressing it was, when Doc stubbornly refused to listen to Marty's warnings.

Marty sighed, as he realized that the rest of his family was still at the reception. Even Dave and Linda were very eager to come along. He then remembered why he agreed to come along. His parents - along with his fiancee, Jennifer - were so insistent on it.

Of course, Marty realized that his parents and Jennifer meant very well. Still, the only thing that Marty really enjoyed about the reception - was the dinner and the cake. Of course, Marty felt very crushed - when Doc gave his speech of gratitude, and Marty's name wasn't even mentioned. It was almost as if Marty was never a part of Doc's life.

Tears began to roll down Marty's cheeks, as he stepped into his bedroom. He realized that the falling out was partially his own fault, of course. After all, he yelled at Doc to go away - and that he never again wished to see Doc. He still remembered that fight.

Prior to the fight, Marty simply never was the grudge-holding type of person. In fact, he was always very eager to resolve disputes with those he cared about. Still, he felt betrayed in the worst way possible - and by the very person that he most trusted!

The most troubling thing of all, of course, was his inability to quite explain to his family and remaining friends exactly why he was real furious with Doc. Jennifer was the only person who could actually understand his whole situation, as she ended up joining him and Doc in the year 2015. Jennifer ended up seeing even less of the future, though.

Why did Doc seem to be more concerned with changing the fate of Marty's _son_ - than with the fate of Marty himself? Had Doc actually opted to warn Marty of his own future, he could've strived to be a better father - and to raise a more confident son.

_I thought you were really supposed to be intelligent, Doc_, grumbled Marty, as he flopped onto his bed. He turned on his alarm clock radio, as he hoped that some music would ease his mind. Message in a Bottle by The Police blasted through the speakers.

The truth was, as hurt and betrayed as Marty felt, there was also a rather major part of him that missed Doc - and the closeness that they simply used to have. There were even times, in fact, when Marty quite wished to reconcile with the scientist. However, he had a major fear that Doc might not actually be as willing to renew their friendship.

Granted, Doc did invite Marty to the wedding and reception. Still, Marty really couldn't help feeling as if the scientist did it out of a sense of duty and politeness - rather than a real desire to make amends. Did Doc actually regret ever being friends with Marty?

Marty sighed, as he began to change into his fleece pajamas. He might as well just go to bed, as he simply didn't feel up to doing anything else. He felt a little worried about how the rest of his family would react, if they were to find out that he left real early?

Marty thoughts turned to Susan Clayton, who was apparently an indirect descendant to the school teacher who fell into Clayton Ravine. She rather did appear to be a nice enough lady, and she seemed to be very courteous to Marty - in spite of the strained relationship between Marty and Doc. Deep down inside, Marty was happy for them.

On the other hand, though, Marty just couldn't help but feel hurt by how Doc seemed to be coping rather well - without Marty's friendship! It was terribly selfish to feel that way, of course. It'd be too cruel to wish Doc to spend the rest of his life being lonely.

Marty even remembered how, back when they were close, he quite wished for Doc to find true love. He recalled how bad he really felt, when the scientist mentioned dating a woman named Jill Wooster - and how Jill turned out to be a complete bitch to him.

He then thought of what a shame it was, how Doc quite opted to give up time travel - as it was a project that took almost thirty years to come to fruition. Granted, he quite had a strong desire to prevent the accident - but, besides that, he also felt very tired of being on the outs with Doc. He thought of how much he missed the good old days.

_I never dreamed that he'd betray me, though_, insisted Marty. This time, though, he didn't really feel angry - just hurt and confusion. He couldn't imagine any real good reason for Doc to be concerned solely with the fate of his future son, instead of him.

Marty thought of the almanac, which he purchased in 2015. He had a feeling that Doc wouldn't exactly approve of him using the almanac for gambling. Being nineteen years old, he really was too young to legally gamble. He had to wait nearly two more years.

Still, it'd quite be worth the wait. He'd show Doc that he could still make a good future for himself - in spite of being unable to play the guitar, with his hand being disfigured. If Doc dared to criticize him for gambling with future information, he'd tell the scientist where to stick it. After all, Doc didn't the decency to be honest about Marty's future.

He even recalled asking Doc if he and Jennifer would "become assholes", and Doc was quite insistent that they'd both "turn out fine". That, of course, turned out to be a lie. That was about what angered Marty the most. His close confidant actually lied to him!

Marty thought about Doc and Susan. He couldn't help wondering what Susan thought about him. They really didn't associate with each other, that much. No doubt, Doc did often talk to Susan about Marty. What exactly would Doc tell her about him, though?

A lump came to Marty's throat, as he felt worried that Doc might've simply painted him in quite a negative light. Did Susan actually view Marty as a horrible person, with very few (if any) redeeming values? Did she ever really suggest that Doc should try making amends with Marty? For that matter, did Doc even tell Susan about the time machine?

Marty sure couldn't take it, any longer. He buried his face into his pillow, as he began to cry. He used to quite fantasize about Doc getting married, and he would imagine it as being a happy day for both of them. Marty imagined that he'd be the best man.

It was hard to feel unadulterated joy for the scientist, when his own relationship with Doc was next to non-existent. He felt real regret for not being more involved in Doc's wedding. He wasn't even in the wedding party. Instead, he was simply unimportant.

Marty wept, as he couldn't help feeling that his relationship with Doc might be beyond repairable. Even if the two of them were to declare a truce, would they ever quite be able to have the same closeness that they used to have? He quite thought of how, in the original timeline, he would view Doc as being the strong parental figure in his life.

Granted, this was a new timeline - but Doc was still Doc. While he still felt very hurt by Doc's dishonesty, he had to admit that he missed his friend. Whether the reverse was true, though... Well, Marty really couldn't bear to think that Doc didn't even miss him.

He then thought of his relationship with Jennifer. He figured that, in about two years, they would finally tie the knot. He'd quite wait until after winning several bets, though - so that he'd be able to afford a rather nice wedding, followed by a nice honeymoon.

Marty tried to put Doc out his mind, figuring that it was best to move on. Still, it really hurt to think that he'd never again be close to the one person that used to always be so trustful of. It sure felt so tough to go from having ten years of a close relationship with a person, to becoming... strangers. He absolutely refused to think the E-word.

The E-word, of course, was "enemy". He certainly couldn't stand to regard Doc as an enemy. While they might not still be friends, they weren't quite enemies - were they? Then again, there was more than a little bit of bitterness between the two of them.

Marty couldn't but feel as his life was falling apart, as he couldn't stop crying. He then thought of his old band, The Pinheads - and he could recall how disappointed his band mates were, when he told them that he would no longer be able to play the guitar.

Of course, the sports almanac from the future did provide one bright spot. Still, would he ever truly be happy? After all, no amount of money in the world could ever be able to restore his hand to perfect condition - could it? It was too distressing, knowing that he'd never become a rock star. Within a matter of minutes, he cried himself to sleep.


End file.
